When You Don’t Want to Worship: Finding God in the Hard Seasons of Motherhood
There have been seasons of my life when worship came easily.
I’d turn on a song while making breakfast and find myself singing without even thinking about it. I’d hear a familiar chorus in church and tears of gratitude would fill my eyes.
Thankfulness felt natural.
Joy felt close.
God felt near.
But there have been other seasons…
Seasons when I couldn’t sing.
Not because I had stopped loving Jesus. Not because I had stopped believing He was good. But because life had become so heavy that even lifting my voice felt exhausting.
Maybe you’ve been there too and maybe you’re there right now.
You turn on worship music because you know it’s supposed to help…and after thirty seconds, you turn it back off.
Not because the song is wrong.
Because your heart just doesn’t have the energy.
You stand in church while everyone else sings. Some people have their hands raised. Some people are smiling. Some people seem completely lost in worship. And you’re just trying not to cry.
Or maybe you’re trying to feel something.
Anything.
Instead you feel numb.
Then the guilt starts whispering.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why do I feel so distant from God?”
If that’s where you are today, I want you to hear this before anything else:
You are not failing because worship feels hard. Jesus has never left you.
Maybe We’ve Been Given Too Small a Definition of Worship
Somewhere along the way, many of us began believing that worship is measured by emotion.
If we cry…
If we feel God’s presence…
If we sing loudly…
Then we assume we’re worshipping well.
But Scripture paints a much fuller picture.
David worshipped while celebrating.
He also worshipped while hiding in caves.
While grieving.
While asking questions.
While crying out,
“How long, O Lord?” (Psalm 13)
Habakkuk worshipped before his circumstances changed.
Even after describing empty fields and failed harvests, he declared that he would still rejoice in the Lord (Habakkuk 3:17–19).
Jesus worshipped through obedience in Gethsemane before He ever walked to the cross.
None of them waited until life felt easier.
They brought their real hearts to a faithful God and exalted Him above everything else, regardless of how they felt.
Maybe worship isn’t pretending everything is okay.
Maybe it’s bringing God the mess, the brokenness, the worry, the gut-wrenching heartache, the fear, whatever it is, and you bring it to Him today
My Story
There was a stretch of a few years that felt like we could barely catch our breath.
One hard thing would happen, and before we had time to recover, another would come.
We walked through a near-fatal illness. Unemployment while unexpectedly pregnant. The orphanage we loved was at risk of losing its home. A miscarriage scare while we were overseas. Multiple moves. Watching most of our life sit in storage. And eventually, leaving full-time ministry.
It felt like every time we found our footing, the ground shifted again.
Maybe you’ve lived through a season like that.
The kind where you’re just trying to hold your family together.
You’re trying to keep some sense of normal for your kids.
You’re smiling because they need you to smile, while quietly asking God to give you a peace you can’t seem to find on your own.
And through much of that season, I was still leading worship.
Standing on a stage.
Holding a microphone.
Inviting other people to sing about God’s faithfulness while quietly wrestling to believe those same words myself.
It was one of the hardest seasons of my life.
But it also clarified something I’ll never forget.
Years before motherhood, I spent time serving in the 24/7 prayer movement. If there was one truth that was repeated over and over again—until it settled deep into my heart—it was this:
Jesus is worthy.
Not because life is easy.
Not because our prayers are always answered the way we hoped.
Not because we understand what He’s doing.
Jesus is worthy because of who He is.
He is beautiful.
He is wonderful.
He is patient beyond anything I deserve.
He is strong when I have nothing left to give.
He is fierce in His love for His children.
He is perfectly jealous for our hearts.
He is endlessly faithful.
And He always sees the bigger picture when all I can see is the next difficult step.
That truth became an anchor for me.
When my circumstances felt uncertain, His character wasn’t.
When my emotions changed by the hour, His goodness didn’t.
When I couldn’t see what He was doing, I could still remember who He had always been.
That’s what sustained my worship.
Not my feelings.
Not my circumstances.
Not my ability to sing through tears.
Simply the unchanging truth that Jesus is worthy.
I don’t always have profound words to offer when someone is walking through a hard season.
Sometimes all I come back to is this:
Jesus is still good.
He is still faithful.
He is still kind.
He is still near.
He is still worthy.
I’ve learned that worship isn’t sustained by having all the answers.
It’s sustained by knowing the One we’re worshipping.
And I’ve come back to this truth more times than I can count:
Jesus is worthy.
Some days, that’s the only song I have left to sing.
Sometimes Worship Is Silence
I’ve started wondering if we’ve put too much pressure on ourselves to always have the right words.
Sometimes I don’t know what to pray.
Sometimes I don’t know what song to sing.
Sometimes all I can manage is sitting quietly with God.
Romans 8 tells us that when we don’t know what to pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
That means even our silence is not empty.
God is not waiting for a polished prayer.
He is already present.
Sometimes Worship Looks Like Showing Up
Some Sundays, worship might simply look like walking through the church doors.
Not because you feel excited.
Not because everything is okay.
Because somewhere deep down, you’re choosing to keep turning toward Jesus and to bring your family with you.
That choice matters.
Faithfulness is rarely flashy.
Most of the time, it’s quiet.
It’s ordinary.
It’s choosing not to walk away.
The Psalms Gave Me Permission to Be Honest
One of the things I love most about the Psalms is that they don’t hide human emotion.
They are full of celebration.
But they’re also full of confusion.
Fear.
Grief.
Waiting.
Questions.
David didn’t censor his heart before bringing it to God.
He trusted God enough to tell Him the truth.
What if that’s part of worship too?
Not pretending to be stronger than we are.
But trusting God enough to say,
“I’m struggling today.”
“I’m disappointed.”
“I’m tired.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I am in shambles.”
Those prayers are not signs of weak faith.
They are signs of relationship.
What Worship Has Looked Like for Me
There have been seasons when worship looked like singing loudly in my kitchen.
There have also been seasons when worship looked like playing one song in the car and simply listening because I couldn’t bring myself to sing.
Sometimes it looked like reading one Psalm before bed.
Sometimes it looked like whispering,
“Jesus, help.”
Sometimes it looked like serving my family when I felt completely emptied out.
None of those moments looked impressive.
But I believe God received every one of them.
Five Gentle Reminders for Hard Seasons
You don’t have to force your emotions.
God never asks us to manufacture feelings.
He invites us to bring our hearts honestly.
Borrow someone else’s words.
If you can’t pray, read a Psalm.
If you can’t sing, listen.
Let someone else’s faith carry you for a while.
Keep showing up.
You don’t have to have everything figured out.
Faithfulness often looks like taking one small step toward God today.
Stop measuring your relationship with God by your emotions.
Some of the deepest seasons of spiritual growth happen when feelings are absent.
Roots grow underground long before anyone sees the fruit.
Remember who God is—even when life feels different.
His character has not changed because your circumstances have.
His love has not changed because your emotions have.
His presence has not changed because you can’t feel it today.
One More Thing & One Promise
If you’re reading this and wondering why worship feels so difficult right now…
Please don’t assume it’s because God has stepped away.
Sometimes the hardest seasons become the places where we discover that worship was never about having the perfect song.
Or the perfect emotions.
Or the perfect circumstances.
It was always about bringing our whole hearts to the One who already knows them.
If I can promise anything to you right now momma, is that whatever you sow into this season, you will see the fruit of it on the other side.
If you persevere and just turn your face to Him, choose to turn to Him in this season, you will root yourself so much deeper in His love than you could ever imagine.
You won’t feel it now, tomorrow, or even next week. But months, or even years later you will look back on this season and see what the Lord planted in your heart.
It doesn’t have to be a heartless worship session at church, or a forced Bible devotional every day. But turn to Him in whatever way is real to you right now.
See what He does with your brokenness.
He turns mourning into dancing.
I promise.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’re looking for one small way to end the day by reminding yourself and your children of God’s truth, I’d love to share my Bedtime Blessings for Little Hearts printable with you.
It’s not meant to fix a hard season.
But sometimes a simple reminder of God’s promises is exactly what our hearts need before we close our eyes at night.
Final Thoughts
Maybe tomorrow you’ll sing again.
Maybe you won’t.
Maybe tomorrow’s worship looks like a quiet prayer while folding laundry.
Maybe it looks like crying through the first verse of a song you’ve sung a hundred times before.
Maybe it looks like sitting in silence because that’s all you have to offer today.
Whatever it looks like…
Don’t believe the lie that God is asking you to be stronger before you come to Him.
He has never required perfect worship.
Only an honest heart.
And if all you have today is one whispered prayer—
“Jesus, I’m still here.”
I believe He receives that with the same love as the loudest song ever sung.
xoxo,
Alex
